I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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