Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
