The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
