that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
