so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
