I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
