i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Randomize
