She just used a chaser for red wine.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
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After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
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btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize