she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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