I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
