dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
