Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
