The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Your cock deserves a montage
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
