Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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