Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize