I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
