Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Randomize
