Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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