i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
