It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
