I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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