just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
