dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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