the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
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I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
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To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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