the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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