what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
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update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
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we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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