I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
