really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
