I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
