New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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