You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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