You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
