You don't have asthma, your pregnant
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
