the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
