I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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