Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
