I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
two words...techno handjob
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
