At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
