I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
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How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
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I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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