He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
