We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
