I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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