i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
