i always forget guys have bellybuttons
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
