we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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