Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
