Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone says I win the strip club
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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