i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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