I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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