I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You are a genius and a whore.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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