I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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