Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
