Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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