ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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