woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
