Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I wish there were birth control emojis
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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