Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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