Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
