he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
