why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
