mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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