It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
