im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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