I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
