I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
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