For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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