So gin and wine won't be happening again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
