I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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