My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I don't deserve a penis
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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