I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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