I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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